Derapan Langkah

Assalamualaikum Today I decided to write a little bit about this final journey of medical school, everyday. One of the reasons is because I think I need to let go some of my worries. But I do not want to talk over it to much so that I would not whine to much. So I'll talk to the wall of this blogger. It is the 3rd day of group discussion. We have been going through core conditions for the past two days, which I was happy with it. But one of us came over during the discussion and suggested that we do not focus only on preparing for the written exams as OSCE is something that deserves great attention as well from us. I do agree. I was a bit scared when I heard that cause OSCE has always been my biggest worry when it comes to exams. Going through the past exams and OSCE books I am worried. Could not really make up my mind on what to read now. Oh ALLAH, please keep me calm and guide us in our preparation. We really need your blessings. Wasalam. 

DISCOVER YOUR IDENTITY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV4LiyUwSbg Sometimes ALLAH opens the door of opportunity but you refuse to walk through it. He opened it and you could have reaped a lot of reward from it, but you choose not walk through it and then you end up suffering; and then you end up blaming ALLAH instead. So now, if this is the case; everyone has a different lot in life –  a different set of challenges, a different set of opportunity, so the question is why? Why not all of us have the same thing? Why not all of us have the same challenges? – make it consistent. Next ayah (17:84) answers the question (why not all of us have the same set of challenges and reward?) Qul kullun ya’ malu ala syaakilatihi “Tell them, everyone should try to work” (When a mudhaari’ becomes a sifat, it actually means trying to do something) Everybody should try to work on their syaakilah. (Syaakil = form;  appearance of something or a mould of something. The shape of s...

Akhirnya sy tulis dan tampal summary buku ni pada dinding bilik sy ^_^

it seems like each assessment would be the milestone that i need to hit before i can feel relieved by non-stop piles of responsibilities that need addressing urgently. it does not mean that no more needs completing following it, just less pressured to be precise.. but the piles are just a continuing lists that continues endlessly whilst i'm busy crossing out the one wrote earlier on. oh gosh! how did i manage to do it? idk, surely ALLAH was the one who helped and granted blessings for me to be able to do it and persevere. i love you ALLAH. and please make me strong. take care of those who i can't whilst i am trying my best where i can. please never leave me cause idk where to find my strength anymore if you ignore me oh my Lord. KILL YOUR DARLING  anyhow, last week i had usrah with my adik-adik and we tadabbur ayats that tell the story of prophet ibrahim and prophet ismail; the moment when prophet ibrahim dreamed that that he needs to slaughter his beloved son, p...

A broken heart is a broken heart Some people just don't know how to fix what they have broken  Worst, they smashed it even harder  Sobs :'(((

Terkadang tak faham tindakan setengah manusia :(

Yesterday, was tiring I would say. Weird that people actually rest on weekend, but I would feel tired as I reach Sunday. Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah. As this is really such a wonderful life experience that I am learning to appreciate and love then to mould it to be my principle of life. Which is to serve and rest just enough to keep on moving and fulfilling my purpose of life. I went for a walk my little sisters yesterday at a castle in Harrogate. A month before, I promised these little sisters that I would bring them for a wonderful weekend getaway after they finished exam. I planned to bring them to Belfast but after I made the offer, I needed to change the plan to actually fit in our monthly sisters qiyam and my own face to face sisters circle ie usrah (Most of my halaqat were done online cause my usrahmates are everywhere so it is quite hard to actually fix a time where everyone can actually attend in person for face to face halaqah.) We have no other weekend, so yeah......

My lovely sisters made a poem and sent it to us in one lovely Jumuah morning. One of us, replied to and made my day: I'm a little teapot Nice and round One thing I'm very fond Pouring out tea Into cups I found I'm a little teapot I live to serve Come guests To please I love One small trouble With my little self Once I finish serving I go back to the shelf You see it saddens me If I'm empty For how can it be For me to serve more When what I have in me There's nothing left to pour I need a refill please A top up some may say To continue filling up The empty cup Or I shall give up Not because I refuse But what is the use Of, An empty teapot Give more I cannot Please queue for your refill at the kiosks available. The reply was:  o little teapot, come closer as the tea is here, waiting for you to come near, o little teapot  if you are coming here, please do open your lid, coz even though you are near, i can only ...

there had been a few things happened in my life these past few days or even past few weeks. i can't list them cause i don't remember all. but i know, i'm feeling sad as i am worried i might have done things wrongly or badly. i'm scared of sins i might do from my speech. i'm worried of sins in might do with my hands and feet. i'm extremely worried of sins i might do with my heart. things that are going around deep inside which i might miss. i am scared. and each time it happens, i feel vulnerable. i am even scared to talk to people.  something happened today, which became the climax of this drama, and i grabbed back the book i have read years ago. the book of taqwa. i read it, and my heart bleeds. my heart cries. emotional tornado. i felt so sad for the days that have left, i am sorry the wrongdoings. anyway, enough emotions.. this is what i made out of scanning through the little book back again.. *cry* ok dalam urusan apa yang kita kena bertaqwa...

Bru je lepas tulis post pasal rindu rinduan.. K himan balas mesej woooo. Hihihi ok banjiq sat. Sambung baca buku. 2 minit je pon balas mesej. Bleargh.. Emosi..

Over the course of the past six years, I have lost some people who are dear to me, be it physically or emotionally. Some became far (physically), some became far and distant emotionally (although they are just around physically), some became far both physically and emotionally. Hihihi. What a complicated world it is. ^_^ But to be honest, as I look back over the moments that had passed by, I can't deny that I miss those time when I felt safe and loved by those people who I learnt to love. I miss those time when I felt safe to actually express my thoughts, feelings and actions. I miss those moments when I felt respected to express my views yet honoured to be criticised.  Being me, unfortunately, I'm too selective in choosing close friends hence I feel sad when I lose them. Cause for me, close friends are like treasure that can never be replaced. Those who are physically far, I still love you and each of you have own space in my heart and memory. Even though, I do not text or con...

Hanya Allah yang tahu ^_^ Sungguh hanya Dia yang mampu membiaskan apa yang ada dalam hatiku

AYAT BERTANDA KUNING  Dulu bila terbaca ayat ni, suka sanga disebabkan oleh ayat bertanda kuning tu. Ia menggambarkan kesyukuran seorang hamba yang betul-betul rendah hati terhadap nikmat petunjuk dan izin Allah untuk dia kekal dalam iman dan amal soleh selama dia di  dunia. Sangat rendah hati. Sebab tiada pun dia claim sebab masuk syurga tu adalah atas amal yang dia dah buat di dunia, instead dia kata Alhamdulillahilladzi hadaana li haaza- segala puji bagi Allah yang telah memberi kami petunjuk. Cantiknya akhlak hamba yang Allah izinkan masuk syurga. Orang kata kalau nak masuk syurga, kat dunia ni kena usaha dan cuba hidup dengan akhlak-akhlak macam tu la juga. Increase the chances of dapat redha Allah hence masuk syurga.  AYAT BERTANDA MERAH Oh now, my actual point. Harini, bila baca balik ayat ni sekali lagi. Mata dan akal terhenti pada beberapa perkataan dalam ayat tu: Kami cabut segala dendam yang ada dalam dada mereka.  Dulu...

Alhamdulillah one more thing for fifth year ticked today. ESREP Presentation   ESREP Manuscript ESREP Reflection  SJT PSA Finals  Placement 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Now left with PSA, placements and finals.  Can't wait to finish the year ^_^ After finished with that 2 hours and 20 minutes test today, we had a meeting with the medical school. They are proposing for us final years to get into the ward and become volunteers to help out with the increasing workloads at hospitals currently. I've signed up to it. Worried but excited too! Need to polish my knowledge and skills.  Hey self! It's 117 days to your finals ! Do it properly.. With ihsan, patience and solat. Remember He will be there. Is always there. He is watching! He loves you of course, so do your best!  Khayr insha Allah. Even when the whole world leave you, He will never do!

You can have 100 people telling you that the sky is blue, but it may take the 101 to make you actually turn to it and appreciate it.  The one who inspired me to write this quote does not understand it so I tried to explain to her in simple words. So for those who do not understand this 30 words quote you can read the examples I gave below. Hohohoho :  Cth 1: Kalau mak ckp kat anak dia.. Engkau ni nakal la hai.. Mesti bdk tu mcm, mak ak ni suka sgt membebel. Sikit2 xkena. Sikit2 xkena. 10 thn mak dia tegur dan bersabar. 10 thn tu jg la dia x faham. Tp bila dah besar, jumpa kawan yg dia start jd rapat. Dah kenal spend masa banyak2. Tertiba satu hari kawan dia ckp: engkau ni boleh tahan nakal jg kan? Tiba2 dia terhenti: dan tanya.. Laaa yeke? Kot mana nakal tu?. Masa tu baru dia nak belajar faham... Cth 2: kalau kita ad masalah.. Kita mcm blurrr nak buat ap dlm hidup. Cth lepas spm. Xtahu nak blajar ap, pastu ad la kakak kita cthnya dtg ckp alaaa cuba fikir ap y...

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