kill your darling

it seems like each assessment would be the milestone that i need to hit before i can feel relieved by non-stop piles of responsibilities that need addressing urgently. it does not mean that no more needs completing following it, just less pressured to be precise.. but the piles are just a continuing lists that continues endlessly whilst i'm busy crossing out the one wrote earlier on. oh gosh! how did i manage to do it? idk, surely ALLAH was the one who helped and granted blessings for me to be able to do it and persevere.

i love you ALLAH. and please make me strong. take care of those who i can't whilst i am trying my best where i can. please never leave me cause idk where to find my strength anymore if you ignore me oh my Lord.


anyhow, last week i had usrah with my adik-adik and we tadabbur ayats that tell the story of prophet ibrahim and prophet ismail; the moment when prophet ibrahim dreamed that that he needs to slaughter his beloved son, prophet ismail. he consulted his son who asked him to follow the dream. one of my adik shared something that she read from ustaz pahrol's book; di mana Dia di hatiku?

what she shared reached the deepest part of my heart. the story, teaches us that even in halal things that we love, we should be aware of the possibilities that those halal things can be something that we have put more priorities over over love to ALLAH. worse, those halal things might have been the ones that had been stopping us to be the best servant to ALLAH. to fully submit and sacrifice for the love of ALLAH. muhasabah mode? :'


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