saat taqwa menggegarkan jiwa

there had been a few things happened in my life these past few days or even past few weeks. i can't list them cause i don't remember all. but i know, i'm feeling sad as i am worried i might have done things wrongly or badly. i'm scared of sins i might do from my speech. i'm worried of sins in might do with my hands and feet. i'm extremely worried of sins i might do with my heart. things that are going around deep inside which i might miss. i am scared. and each time it happens, i feel vulnerable. i am even scared to talk to people. 

something happened today, which became the climax of this drama, and i grabbed back the book i have read years ago. the book of taqwa. i read it, and my heart bleeds. my heart cries. emotional tornado. i felt so sad for the days that have left, i am sorry the wrongdoings. anyway, enough emotions.. this is what i made out of scanning through the little book back again.. *cry*

ok dalam urusan apa yang kita kena bertaqwa?

a,b,c,d,e.....z *eh macam semua je* ye la semua.. 

apa sahaja yang kita buat, yang berlaku antara langit dan bumi, jelas atau tersembunyi, jamaei atau sendiri.. dalm gelap atau cerah.

taqwa tu. apa sahaja, antara langit dengan bumi.

ada 5 cara, dr abdullah nashih ulwan tulis dalam buku dia. 'petunjuk praktis mencapai darjat taqwa'

1. MU'AHADAH ingat janji dengan ALLAH - janji yang kita buat masa minta tlg, janji yg kita buat dalam solat, janji yg kita buat dlm zikir. mana2 janji, yang terdetik bila kita bicara dengan ALLAH. He remembers eventho we might forget

2. MURAQABAH merasa kebersamaan ALLAH - He's around, He is watching- apa sahaja, dalam duvet, dalam bilik, dalam gelap, dalam terang.

3. MUHASABAH - on and on.. and on. we can never be perfect. we can never be always right either. so look into things that we have done, imagine if we present it to ALLAH, would He be angry, and if we discuss it with Rasulullah, would he be disappointed. but in simple words, is there anyway we could have done things better.

orang yang banyak muhasabah, insha ALLAH hisab akhirat akan lebih senang. will it?

4. MU'AQOBAH - in simple words, denda diri sendiri if you do something wrong or dosa. tp x melampaui batas. just enough to remind ourselves of the mistakes and remind ourselves not to repeat the same thing again and again and again.

Dr Nashih Ulwan conclude dlm heading mua'qobah tu, he wrote:

Jika seorang daie fi sabilillah sudah mampu menjatuhkan denda ke atas dirinya di saat melakukan kesalaha, maka dia telah melangkah menuju taqwa, dan telah menapaki jalan ketinggian rohani.. dan pasti akan sampai ke darjat orang-orang yang bertaqwa.

Nangis x baca ni? nangis x? how many of us, sanggup denda diri sendiri hanya sbb nak minta maaf atas kesalahan kita dan bg pengajaran pd diri sendiri? most of the time we would try hard to find words just to give us some comfort and elak rasa bersalah... did we not?

5. MUJAHADAH - he defines it as optimization. - he wrote: 

Bila seorang mukmin tu terseret dalam kemalasan, santa, cinta dunia dan tidak lagi melaksanakan amal-amal sunnah serta ketaatannya yang lain tepat pada waktunya (in simple words, some people say futur) - maka ia harus memaksa dirinya melakukan amal-amal sunnah lebih banyak dari sebelumnya. 

simply said- PAKSA diri buat lebih bila MALAS. so when you know you malas, that time, lawan. thats what mujahadah is. kalau time malas kata malas, nanti tak ikhlas... hurm, that's what we say- you opt for it, so you have to bear the consequences. 

tongue emoticon ok tak la.. my point is, let's push ourselves, pahala buat benda baik bila malaskan ada 2- pahala buat baik, dan pahala mujahadah.

** it is only a 150 pages, a7 sized book. i've read it years ago. but the content are just so unbelievably refreshing. nanges? muted~