Praying for maghfirah and serenity

Bismillah,

I know it is not right to be too expressive on the web, behind the scene. Talking about feelings and problems.. blablabla. I am sorry for this, but just need to talk about things, but just don't know how and whom and when and where and those kinda stuff. Things have been a bit all over the place. But it is not actually things that have been all over. It is me. I guess. There's disappointment topped up with anger occupying my heart at the moment. I hate it when both of these feelings get into my life. I feel restless and unsettled. I get irritable easily. I just wanted to keep calm and cool. Not being able to do so makes me more disappointed. I just want to keep smiling regardless of how hard rough and hard is treating me. That will keep me positive and calm. Keeping my head straight and proud. But this time I know Something have crossed its line. Has it? Probably it is just in my justification.


Ya Allah, having such feelings in my heart is really ruining my serenity. If this is a trial you are testing me for me to refresh my iman and revisit my heart, You have really shaken it. I really am praying for your maghfirah, huda and serenity at the moment. I will not survive should I do anything that will invite your anger unto me and make things worst. Please,  I need your mercy and help. Untie the knot in my heart and mind. Please.

Just can't find a good way of describing and expressing these and only You know what's going on and only You know what and which is best for me that You will be pleased.

I am just... Your little servant. 

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